The Greatest Music Video Ever Made  -  Mar 23rd, 2009 5:56pm

I have found a recent affliction for a band called "No More Kings".  To put them into context, they are alternative, rock, punk, comedy and though they are not mainstream they have managed to pull off one of the greatest music videos I've ever seen.

...well maybe that deserves some context too.  If you grew up during the time of the Karate Kid you'll understand.  Just don't ask me what the heck is going on before about the 2 minute mark.

2009 Phoenix Idiotarod  -  Feb 9th, 2009 9:40pm

About a week ago one of our coworkers Jon Roig showed us a website.  This set events in motion which led to one of the most ridiculous and amazing things I've ever participated in.

The Idiotarod is a race where teams of 5 must push a shopping cart 4 miles around downtown Phoenix.  The winning team isn't just decided by who crosses the finish line first though.  Its just as important to have a team theme, a well decorated cart and maybe most important that your team can hold its liquor.  It doesn't hurt to be skilled in sabotage either.

After settling on a name (E=Mass Confusion²), a theme (mad scientists) and registering for the race, we hit the mall and purchased some lab coats.  The original idea from there was to cover the cart with circuit boards and old electronics but at some point I derailed that train and got everyone on board with something a little more ambitious - A space shuttle!

That Friday night - Amy, Jon, McCoy, Cupp and myself managed to turn my tiny sketch and a huge pile of poster board, duct tape, and styrofoam into and engineering marvel complete with corporate logos, a control stick, and smoking rockets.  A test run that night proved the ship seaworthy and Kristin and Lisa even stopped by for a while and helped draw on the team name.  Now the only question was how well our cart and our livers would fare the next day.

Until this year, the Idiotarod was a pretty small deal.  I think there were 8 or 9 teams last year and only a half dozen the year before.  This year however it obtained critical mass and there were 31 teams when we arrived downtown.  The level of effort people put into this thing was all over the map from those who just nabbed a plain cart on the way downtown to people who had taken welding torches to their carts and installed generators and stereo equipment.  To say it was nuts is an understatement - just check out the photos.

The race itself was bonkers - after a shotgun start we decided to get one of the bonus challenges out of the way immediately which involved buying liquor during the race from a store and getting a photo of the clerk and the team.  While we were happy to get that off our backs, it put us in nearly last place when we made it to the first challenge point where we all had to slam a warm beer.  If you've never tried to jog and drink - there is a good reason for that and the rest of the race basically consisted of this alternating schedule of drinking and running.  We slammed tequila, beer, and the worst by far - a bottle of margarita mix (Cupp saved our butts on that one).  We also ran our hearts out.  Or at least most of us did.  By the time we hit the last leg I could barely run and had to rely on Jon and Cupp to provide the necessary thrust.

Fortunately, we were not alone, and between the people who had become victims of sabotage and those who were even more worn out than we were, we came in a respectable 8th which translated to 6th since we completed some of the extra challenges.  The race ended where it began at the Bikini Lounge so we broke out the stogies, grabbed one last beer and laughed at ourselves until it hurt.  The pictures will have to say the rest.

The Horseradish Challenge  -  Dec 19th, 2008 2:34pm

So its Friday, and that means its time for another office challenge:  Today its Cupp vs a jar of Inglehoffers's Extra Hot Horseradish.  At stake are $30 bucks and his sinuses.

I should probably stop here and mention that he has never had horseradish before... not on a sandwich, not on a steak, not even as a dip.  This is what I believe contributed in large part to the first 30 seconds of the challenge where he horked down huge spoonful after huge spoonful and made it look briefly like he was going to get our hard earned $$ for himself.

Our awe quickly turned to laughter as the frightful stuff worked its way up into the back of his throat and light fire to his brain.  Tears started to stream down his face and he turned a delightful shade of red.  That was about his limit though.  He spit some out, then tried to force it back down with another spoonful, but it just wasn't going to happen.  Eyes gushing, he chucked the 1/2 empty bottle in the trash with disgust.

We were all proud of his effort so even though he didn't empty the bottle most of us paid up. You just can't watch someone put themselves through that sort of thing without some reparation... or at least I couldn't.  I began to be a little torn at this point though.  Unlike the wings, the horseradish was continuing to punish Cupp for his insolence.  Its funny for a little while but at some point I really started to feel guilty for egging him on.

Things got so bad that after booting twice in his cube the rest of the guys on the team told him just to go home.  He looked okay when he left and I chatted with him a bit as he exited the building but I don't think next week's office challenge will involve anything quite so volatile.   Maybe a half jar of peanut butter in 60 seconds or something?  I just hope he feels better tomorrow and doesn't grow a third eye or anything.

The Wing Challenge  -  Dec 16th, 2008 4:03pm

While I think that work often tends to slow down around the holidays for everyone, I'm in a real nasty lull right now.  Tedium followed by large waiting periods has driven me to focus myself elsewhere to survive.  So fueled by my new found resistance to all things spicy I've been egging everyone to try the challenge at local wing place.  12 suicide wings in 6 minutes gets you severe indigestion and your picture up on the wall.

Today was d-day or w-day or Tuesday.. or something like that.  Whats important here is that a group of us went down today and attempted the stupid.  I had visions of my name on the short board of folks who have broken the 2 minute barrier but would settle for success in any form.  Unfortunately this time we went to a different Buffalo Wild Wings we hoped would be closer and they had no such wall.  In fact, they had disbanded the challenge at that store entirely due to someone's recent need for a hospital after the challenge.  I would not be deterred.

Making my best attempt to feign confidence I informed the waiter he would need to bring us the dirty dozen anyway.  He thought we were joking but after some prodding and the tale of the recent table who ordered 50 then ate only 3 he accepted our request.  The rest of the group would spectate and ensure the rules would be followed.  All meat and skin would need to be consumed from the bones within 6 minutes - drinking was allowed but not advised.

I was still pretty confident until the manager came over and kept asking why we would want to do this and if we were really sure we wanted to go through with it.  I began chewing on my straw at this point to keep my mind occupied while Sean did the pre-game interview with his phone.

When they did bring the wings they certainly smelled hot but looked kind of dry.  Fear now replaced by stupidity we sent them back for extra sauce.  They returned shortly with an extra dose of what could loosely be defined as sauce, or more realistically be defined as ground chili's held together with a modicum of liquid.  Camera, phones were readied and the timer was started.

Cup took the early lead, I followed closely behind, and Denny picked up the rear.  The wings were hot but nothing like the raw-habaneros we had recently eaten as part of the 100 foods list.  Unfortunately as I picked up speed and passed by Cup at the 1 minute mark I began to get sauce all over my face.  I was glad I had chosen glasses over contacts this morning because if this got in my eyes I was done for.  I was not alone though and as Denny began to turn bright red from the sauce on his face and the stopwatch slipped past 2 minutes I was beginning to regret my choice not to research exactly what capsicum does to the digestive system.  Can I die from this kind of thing?  What happens when I go to the bathroom?  These are not things you want to begin thinking half way through eating a batch of food soaked in hell broth.

The end was in sight though as I put these thoughts behind me.  I finished off the last few wings just over the three minute mark and raised my sauce soaked hands above my head yelling like some sort of Special Olympics champion.  Cup finished about 30 seconds later and poor Denny suffered for another 8 minutes before he finally polished off his last bite.  There was much cheering/jeering and while I didn't get my picture on the wall, the staff made me a personalized "Blazin Challenge Master" card which I shall cherish in the same way one would keep a 3rd place trophy - a symbol of both success and failure.

Next week Cup has agreed to try to eat a jar of Horseradish - I need distraction as much as ever but as I sit here and worry about the digestive aftermath of this silliness I don't believe I will join him.  Something about this place makes us crazy.  I'm glad there are others here to share it with me...

Pushing Daisies  -  Nov 20th, 2007 4:28pm

I don't watch a lot of normal TV.  Thats not to exclude myself from the masses, rather its simply an admission that my pushers are Cartoon Network and Netflix as opposed to the ABC's and NBC's of the world and my doses are rarely scheduled.  In fact, the only show in the last few years I've actually alloted time to watch has been Battlestar Galactica and only with limited success.  I won't spend any time here on that show as by now you either love it, haven't seen it, or are chemically handicapped and there are plenty to sing its praise.

Instead I am happy to announce myself as a candidate for normalcy as I am committed to watching a normal TV show on a regular basis called Pushing Daises.  Its a light hearted and funky detective/murder-mystery show based around a character who can briefly bring people back to life.

Now maybe there is some morbid connection between KC passing away and my newfound enjoyment of a show that pokes fun at death, or maybe it hits closer to my own uneasiness on the subject.  Whatever the reason it makes me happy and I want to suggest to whoever can take an hour out of their life to watch the show (its on Wendesdays @7:00 on ABC or something near that) to do so.  Its the most original thing I've seen on the tube in years and its creators must have fought tooth and nail to bring it to life in the great void of originality called primetime.

Its also worth noting that the last 4 episodes are always available for viewing online at http://dynamic.abc.go.com/streaming/landing.  Their online player kinda sucks as you have to manually click a link once each commercial is over (1 commercial every 15 minutes) but 4 minutes of commercials for a 1hr show still isn't bad.

German engineering at its finest  -  Jun 15th, 2007 10:02am

My friend Oliver is a true die-hard German who came over here a few years ago to be a computer programmer.  He has a lot of great stories about growing up over there and one of my favorites is about the East German cars that were so bad they ground most of them up and paved roads with their remains.

Only problem was that the roads stunk like fish every time it got hot so they had to dig up the roads and bury the rubble.  Found this great video of the Trabant through Boing Boing and I think its the car he was talking about since its made out of some sort of plastic/sheep mixture.

Hood won't fit - kick with shoe.  Door off center - bash with mallet ...rinse lather repeat.