Lobbys Burger Challenge  -  Feb 28th, 2010 7:49pm

In an attempt to bring back the challenge Friday's of yore - our group at work headed to Lobbby's Burgers in Tempe to see if we could double our previous efforts and tackle their 2lb burger at lunch.  Of course nothing is that simple in my life....

Lobby's just opened up so don't be surprised if you haven't heard of it.  Its basically a standard Chicago beef/burger/dog place and while nothing really stands out for me there, it does have pretty good food and a nice clean atmosphere.  It also has the 3lb challenge if your feeling up to it.

Almost immediately, our innocent attempt at 2lb burgers got 30% larger due to an added required pound of fries.  Shortly thereafter, the owner (Lobby) informed us that to get the meal for free and put your picture up on the wall of fame/shame/gluttony/insanity you had to add cheese on each patty, toss on all the extras(onions, lettuce tomato) and consume the whole shebang in no more than 10 minutes.

As any good programmer would - I did the math.  I can get down a 1lb burger (sans cheese) in about 4 minutes.  This leaves me 2 minutes for the pound of fries if I'm lucky and don't miss a beat.  I was trying to think positive though, and since Cupp and Dale would also be giving it their best shot I couldn't very well back out now.

When the burgers came out I knew I was in trouble.  There was probably a quarter pound of cheese alone on there and my preparations of running that morning and skipping dinner the night before seemed feeble in front of the tower of beef.  Fearlessly though I surveyed the situation, formulated a plan consisting of alternating fries then burger and asked the waitress to hit the timer.

Cupp and Dale started shortly after I did - they basically took on the same strategy and pace that I did as well.  First the top bun and the toppings, then hammer on the patties and fries.  I had to start dunking fries in my drink almost immediately to keep things moving.  This sucked because the fries were damn good before that.

At 3 minutes I had managed at least a pound of food.  At 6 I was halfway done with the burger and nearly done with the fries.  Unfortunately this is where I fell apart.  The cheese and burger grease was just too much and even though I was on pace to finish - I basically had to stop at 8 minutes after finishing all of my fries to prevent food reversal.  Sure I might have missed anyway with a full pound left at the 2 minute mark, but in hindsight it was probably a good decision as no one wants to hurl in a burger joint.

Cupp did his best to drown his fries in ketchup to maintain pace, but he too succumb about the same time and finished just short of my mark with a few fries left and the same 1lb of burger to go.  Dale opted for the meat route and managed an additional patty.  Unfortunately he had had to sacrifice a lot of fries to do it.  Overall it was a basically a draw and Lobby's was the real winner with our hard earned cash and no need to put us all up on the wall of fame/shame/gluttony/insanity.

Maybe next time... or maybe not.  All I wanted to do after the meal was crawl under my desk and go to sleep.  Definitely not recommended for daytime consumption.

Bacon The Restaurant  -  Aug 17th, 2009 4:24pm

It was bound to happen.  Mainstream America has finally picked up the nets enthusiasm for that loveliest of meats - Bacon.  I submit the Scottsdale eatery called nothing less than "Bacon" as evidence of this transition.  You can be the jury from there.

That's not to say I'm entirely disappointed.  Bacon is actually a really great place to have breakfast or lunch as the food was good, healthy, and they have a cool vibe.  Its just that had this place existed a few years back, the menu would have been completely oriented around someones fascination with bacon's smokey goodness.  As it stands today, bacon is actually an afterthought in most of their dishes.

Jon joined the rest of our group as we headed back from the trip to Flagstaff.  He was actually the one who turned me on to the place as I'd never heard of it.  Bacon is a definite Scottsdale joint with a modern look and the inescapable feeling that your surrounded people who are less than they want to be but more than they think they are.  Its not nearly as pricey as I would expect though and 2 people can get out for a $20 between them with a little care.

We had a good sample of the menu - eggs, french toast, etc.  Kellie had something they call "The Hangover" which is actually a Canadian dish: Poutine - only with eggs.  I was stoked as this was on my list, quite good, and really odd.  True to its moniker, the bacon at Bacon is also really good.  Just be careful if you go on weekends.  Apparently we got there just as the crowd was waning, and as they are still pretty new the service is spotty at best.  Highly recommended though.

I tried to find their website but apparently they don't have one yet?  For now this should help.

Deconstructing A Wine Party  -  Feb 23rd, 2009 4:11pm

I am a connoisseur of many things.  Cinema, Music, beer, even video games.  A connoisseur of wine I am not.  In fact, my experience with the substance really comes down to color.  There is white, red, pink and occasionally carbonated wine.  This may not be the depth of my knowledge but it is definitely all that I'm willing to be taxed on in public.

So when a person like myself attends a "wine party" there is only 1 option for determining what amongst the absurd # of wines to bring.  Which wine has the coolest freaking bottle of course!  And so me and my wine, homed in a cat shaped vessel of soft orange glass attended and almost instantly derailed Scott and Julie's wine party to the joy of most and the shame of a few.

Here are a list of things that I learned from the wine party:

• I don't really like white wine.
• I don't really like good wine.
• I don't really like desert wine.
• I really like wine made up of 1/3 cheap red wine, cheap desert wine, and fancy blackberry red wine - henceforth referred to as mo-berry wine.
• Everyone likes mo-berry wine.
• Everyone hates to admit they like mo-berry wine.
• Always bring the most absurd bottle of wine you can to a wine party as it brings nothing but laughter and joy... it also ruins any semblance of a serious evening which is good for everyone.

Another night of fuzzy logic and adults acting like kids.  Another great evening, and another bunch of photos that tell a story all their own.

The Horseradish Challenge  -  Dec 19th, 2008 2:34pm

So its Friday, and that means its time for another office challenge:  Today its Cupp vs a jar of Inglehoffers's Extra Hot Horseradish.  At stake are $30 bucks and his sinuses.

I should probably stop here and mention that he has never had horseradish before... not on a sandwich, not on a steak, not even as a dip.  This is what I believe contributed in large part to the first 30 seconds of the challenge where he horked down huge spoonful after huge spoonful and made it look briefly like he was going to get our hard earned $$ for himself.

Our awe quickly turned to laughter as the frightful stuff worked its way up into the back of his throat and light fire to his brain.  Tears started to stream down his face and he turned a delightful shade of red.  That was about his limit though.  He spit some out, then tried to force it back down with another spoonful, but it just wasn't going to happen.  Eyes gushing, he chucked the 1/2 empty bottle in the trash with disgust.

We were all proud of his effort so even though he didn't empty the bottle most of us paid up. You just can't watch someone put themselves through that sort of thing without some reparation... or at least I couldn't.  I began to be a little torn at this point though.  Unlike the wings, the horseradish was continuing to punish Cupp for his insolence.  Its funny for a little while but at some point I really started to feel guilty for egging him on.

Things got so bad that after booting twice in his cube the rest of the guys on the team told him just to go home.  He looked okay when he left and I chatted with him a bit as he exited the building but I don't think next week's office challenge will involve anything quite so volatile.   Maybe a half jar of peanut butter in 60 seconds or something?  I just hope he feels better tomorrow and doesn't grow a third eye or anything.

The Wing Challenge  -  Dec 16th, 2008 4:03pm

While I think that work often tends to slow down around the holidays for everyone, I'm in a real nasty lull right now.  Tedium followed by large waiting periods has driven me to focus myself elsewhere to survive.  So fueled by my new found resistance to all things spicy I've been egging everyone to try the challenge at local wing place.  12 suicide wings in 6 minutes gets you severe indigestion and your picture up on the wall.

Today was d-day or w-day or Tuesday.. or something like that.  Whats important here is that a group of us went down today and attempted the stupid.  I had visions of my name on the short board of folks who have broken the 2 minute barrier but would settle for success in any form.  Unfortunately this time we went to a different Buffalo Wild Wings we hoped would be closer and they had no such wall.  In fact, they had disbanded the challenge at that store entirely due to someone's recent need for a hospital after the challenge.  I would not be deterred.

Making my best attempt to feign confidence I informed the waiter he would need to bring us the dirty dozen anyway.  He thought we were joking but after some prodding and the tale of the recent table who ordered 50 then ate only 3 he accepted our request.  The rest of the group would spectate and ensure the rules would be followed.  All meat and skin would need to be consumed from the bones within 6 minutes - drinking was allowed but not advised.

I was still pretty confident until the manager came over and kept asking why we would want to do this and if we were really sure we wanted to go through with it.  I began chewing on my straw at this point to keep my mind occupied while Sean did the pre-game interview with his phone.

When they did bring the wings they certainly smelled hot but looked kind of dry.  Fear now replaced by stupidity we sent them back for extra sauce.  They returned shortly with an extra dose of what could loosely be defined as sauce, or more realistically be defined as ground chili's held together with a modicum of liquid.  Camera, phones were readied and the timer was started.

Cup took the early lead, I followed closely behind, and Denny picked up the rear.  The wings were hot but nothing like the raw-habaneros we had recently eaten as part of the 100 foods list.  Unfortunately as I picked up speed and passed by Cup at the 1 minute mark I began to get sauce all over my face.  I was glad I had chosen glasses over contacts this morning because if this got in my eyes I was done for.  I was not alone though and as Denny began to turn bright red from the sauce on his face and the stopwatch slipped past 2 minutes I was beginning to regret my choice not to research exactly what capsicum does to the digestive system.  Can I die from this kind of thing?  What happens when I go to the bathroom?  These are not things you want to begin thinking half way through eating a batch of food soaked in hell broth.

The end was in sight though as I put these thoughts behind me.  I finished off the last few wings just over the three minute mark and raised my sauce soaked hands above my head yelling like some sort of Special Olympics champion.  Cup finished about 30 seconds later and poor Denny suffered for another 8 minutes before he finally polished off his last bite.  There was much cheering/jeering and while I didn't get my picture on the wall, the staff made me a personalized "Blazin Challenge Master" card which I shall cherish in the same way one would keep a 3rd place trophy - a symbol of both success and failure.

Next week Cup has agreed to try to eat a jar of Horseradish - I need distraction as much as ever but as I sit here and worry about the digestive aftermath of this silliness I don't believe I will join him.  Something about this place makes us crazy.  I'm glad there are others here to share it with me...

Arizona State Fair  -  Oct 17th, 2008 5:18pm

October is such a great month here.  The will of summer weakens, and a cool breeze invades town at night.  Grass stops growing like some sort of drug crazed vegetation, and the State Fair comes to town.

There are a lot of people who don't love the fair here.  Viewed in daylight it certainly has its failings.  But as a provider of free (with admission) concerts, fried food, and the always laughable crap tent its one of my favorite things to do this time of year.  Avoid the rides, keep your expectations low and you can't loose.

This year the Goo Goo Dolls were playing.  They actually played our fair over a decade ago before they became a big deal and I remember being so sad that I missed them.  I'm happy I made it this time with at least a few hundred others.  For a band with a half dozen platinum albums and at least as many hit songs, you'd think they would pack that place with a free concert, but I doubt there were even 2000 people there.  It was a little depressing.  I think they noticed too as the lead singer prefaced probably their biggest hit by saying "I'm trying to pull my head out of my ass and write some new songs.  You gotta be careful with that or you can just disappear."

The concert got off to a slow start but things picked up and it was a great show in the end.  There may have only been a few thousand people there but everyone there was a real fan of their music and it showed.  We quickly peeled out of the concert and continued our festival of fried goods which began earlier in the evening with Indian Fry Bread and a Moon Pie.  The crap tent was next - and it didn't disappoint.  There is something wonderful about a mall filled with things that aren't good enough for the "As Seen On TV" store.  I bought a $10 leather wallet made by the finest child labor I'm sure.

The only letdown of the night was our trip through carney lane.  Prior to this year, the carney's thrust fists filled with small bills at you and offered extra tries, guaranteed wins, and even insults - anything to get you to play.  The wheeling and dealing were part of the experience.  Now though the games were all handled by bar coded tickets and prices were posted in gooneybucks or whatever monetary system they created on a per game basis.  It really sucked the life out of the carneys and it made me sad that I had to visit some dumb booth before wasting my perfectly hard earned cash on a rigged game I had no chance at.  Oh well - times change and we won a stuffed turtle and monkey with our gooneybucks.

As much as I like the fair I never seem to go back twice in 1 year.  Maybe the smell of fry-bread has limited appeal or maybe I just like to leave wanting to go again next year.

100 Foods to Eat Before You Die  -  Sep 11th, 2008 4:42pm

I've seen a lot of lists about places you have to visit or things you have to do before you kick the proverbial bucket.  While there are always things on those lists I want to do or see, I've never had any urge to try and complete such a venture.  That was until now.

My co-worker and willing foodventurer Dale sent me this list of 100 things you should eat before you die.  I immediately took this as a challenge as did he and we have set about completing this list post-haste.  Afterall, you never know when your next meal will do you in when your eating crap like this.

And for anyone keeping count, I'm currently at 36 items left and counting - sadly I will have to eat horse meat to finish the list but I'll deal with that when I get to 99 down and 1 to go.

Maple Bacon & Absinthe Lollypops  -  Jul 19th, 2008 5:51pm

As a connoisseur of all things bacon, I had little choice when I ran across Lollyphile.com but to immediately place an order for their maple bacon lollypops.  And because I've never tasted it, I also felt compelled to get some of their absinthe pops.

I'm happy to say they arrived just a few days ago in at least edible condition.  The candy probably would have been in better shape had I ordered them during cooler weather or I hadn't been to lazy to get the mail for the last few days, but I've never been known for my timliness.  Mishapen as they were, I was instantly impressed by their list of ingredients: Sugar, Corn Syrup, Absinthe/Bacon/Maple Syrup and cream of tartar.  In these haydays of yellow #5 and artificially flavored everthing, simplicity in food is a rarity and something I much appreciate.

Thats not to say they were perfect.  The bacon maple pops were very mild on the maple front and weren't as salty as I had hoped for.  Really good - yes, but not as good as I had fantasized(don't judge!).  The absinthe pops on the other hand were almost too strong and actually made my mouth numb.  In the end though I'm a happy foodie.  How can you turn down bacon candy after all and I think there is something strangely addictive about the Absinthe pops which taste like high powered licorce.

Their website says they are working on other flavors.  I for one vote Dill Pickle and Jalepeno, but whatever it is I'm probably going to order it anyway (I'm such a sucker).

Flancers Resturant  -  Jul 6th, 2008 8:30pm

Flancers is a little cafe/sandwich/pizza place here in Gilbert, AZ.  Its one of the first places we ate when we moved here, and its also one of the best places we've eaten at since then.

The fare is somewhat eclectic spinning classic food into things like prickly pear turkey sandwiches or goat cheese bruchetta.  They have decent pizza as long as you don't buy it by the slice and they make a crazy good arnold palmer with fresh lemonade and passion fruit iced tea.  What we really love about Flancers though is that its a true locals joint.

They recognize you when you walk in.  It has a killer porch when the weather is good.  They have fun specials almost every night.  Even the fact that the desserts always suck but you've learned never to order them no matter how tasty and delicious they sound - All of these things along with consistently good food has made Flancers our goto resturant for the last 2 years.

It pretty crowded most evenings, so its a killer joint for off hours eating.  They also do a pizza eating contest every year that I always want to enter and then think better about what 2lbs of cheese can do to a human body.  Hope to see you there!

33 Years Young  -  Jul 6th, 2008 8:00pm

I recently celebrated my 33rd birthday with Kristin and some of my friends from work at the Monestary in Mesa.  The Monestary is a really cool place thats half park and half resturant.  You cook your own food and they have cheap drinks, volleyball, ping-pong, horseshoes and monster sized checkers boards.

I waited until the last minute this year for some reason before deciding on the venue for reasons I'm honestly not sure of.  I guess as I get older I keep thinking that birthdays should be more unique celebrations but the truth is I was just happy to have a few beers and hang out with friends.  I also kicked some major ass at horseshoes which was a pretty big accomplishment considering I could barely walk straight.  Chalk that up to the growing # of sports that can be played under the influence for greater accuracy (darts, bowling, and pool also qualify).

I'm not sure what I expect 33 to be like but I'll jot down here that I hope I will travel some more, fish in at least 1 state or country I haven't fished in before and solidify some rather tumultuous relationships in my life.  I also hope that I can share a few more things on this site about living here in AZ with the friends and other folks that read this little piece of the net.