The Wing Challenge  -  Dec 16th, 2008 4:03pm

While I think that work often tends to slow down around the holidays for everyone, I'm in a real nasty lull right now.  Tedium followed by large waiting periods has driven me to focus myself elsewhere to survive.  So fueled by my new found resistance to all things spicy I've been egging everyone to try the challenge at local wing place.  12 suicide wings in 6 minutes gets you severe indigestion and your picture up on the wall.

Today was d-day or w-day or Tuesday.. or something like that.  Whats important here is that a group of us went down today and attempted the stupid.  I had visions of my name on the short board of folks who have broken the 2 minute barrier but would settle for success in any form.  Unfortunately this time we went to a different Buffalo Wild Wings we hoped would be closer and they had no such wall.  In fact, they had disbanded the challenge at that store entirely due to someone's recent need for a hospital after the challenge.  I would not be deterred.

Making my best attempt to feign confidence I informed the waiter he would need to bring us the dirty dozen anyway.  He thought we were joking but after some prodding and the tale of the recent table who ordered 50 then ate only 3 he accepted our request.  The rest of the group would spectate and ensure the rules would be followed.  All meat and skin would need to be consumed from the bones within 6 minutes - drinking was allowed but not advised.

I was still pretty confident until the manager came over and kept asking why we would want to do this and if we were really sure we wanted to go through with it.  I began chewing on my straw at this point to keep my mind occupied while Sean did the pre-game interview with his phone.

When they did bring the wings they certainly smelled hot but looked kind of dry.  Fear now replaced by stupidity we sent them back for extra sauce.  They returned shortly with an extra dose of what could loosely be defined as sauce, or more realistically be defined as ground chili's held together with a modicum of liquid.  Camera, phones were readied and the timer was started.

Cup took the early lead, I followed closely behind, and Denny picked up the rear.  The wings were hot but nothing like the raw-habaneros we had recently eaten as part of the 100 foods list.  Unfortunately as I picked up speed and passed by Cup at the 1 minute mark I began to get sauce all over my face.  I was glad I had chosen glasses over contacts this morning because if this got in my eyes I was done for.  I was not alone though and as Denny began to turn bright red from the sauce on his face and the stopwatch slipped past 2 minutes I was beginning to regret my choice not to research exactly what capsicum does to the digestive system.  Can I die from this kind of thing?  What happens when I go to the bathroom?  These are not things you want to begin thinking half way through eating a batch of food soaked in hell broth.

The end was in sight though as I put these thoughts behind me.  I finished off the last few wings just over the three minute mark and raised my sauce soaked hands above my head yelling like some sort of Special Olympics champion.  Cup finished about 30 seconds later and poor Denny suffered for another 8 minutes before he finally polished off his last bite.  There was much cheering/jeering and while I didn't get my picture on the wall, the staff made me a personalized "Blazin Challenge Master" card which I shall cherish in the same way one would keep a 3rd place trophy - a symbol of both success and failure.

Next week Cup has agreed to try to eat a jar of Horseradish - I need distraction as much as ever but as I sit here and worry about the digestive aftermath of this silliness I don't believe I will join him.  Something about this place makes us crazy.  I'm glad there are others here to share it with me...